The Magnificent Defeat by Jill Carattini

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John 21

A Slice of Infinity Snippets:
Humbled by the tremors of God's glory, the hope that something was at work beyond them, the disciples were silenced before the life before them; they were surrendered to the truth of God in the presence of Christ. John recounts the common sentiment among them. His words seem almost to bow before Jesus's invitation to nearness: Writes John, "None of the disciples dared ask him, 'Who are you?' For they knew it was the Lord" (John 21:12).

There was a time when I found myself yearning to add my voice to that fireside quietness. Struggling with the God whose persistence I found exhausting, whose very will required me to repeatedly relinquish my own, unlike the disciples, I did dare to ask. "Who are you?" I wanted to shout. "And what do you want from me?"

Yet as French philosopher Michel de Montaigne once wrote, "There are triumphant defeats that rival victories." Along the human road of surrendering to God, the battle seems an unavoidable illustration. And there is truth to the thought that surrendering to God is a struggle that begins again every day as if nothing had yet been done. But it is in this great surrendering where we find, as Fredrick Buechner observes, "the magnificent defeat of the human soul at the hands of God."

In the presence of the one that moved mountains of sin and unawareness and brought them to the feet of God, the disciples found reason to surrender. Might we also be humbled by the God who refuses to leave despite the words we shout in protest, despite our refusal to surrender. Might we be awed by the one who says, "Follow me!" and expects us to trust that he will not leave or forsake us. And might we marvel at the God who, carrying in his body the scars of defeat, invites us to the nearness that is our victory.

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